i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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