Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
