I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
tonight lets celebrate not being married
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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