I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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