never play flip cup with pint glasses
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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