Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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