All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my shit smells like andre
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
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I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
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I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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