I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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