i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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