(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
