There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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