I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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