Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
