I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
