Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
