not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
