my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
