His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
