If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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