how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.