I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me