she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
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I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?