I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
