i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
