me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
