OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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