I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
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I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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