When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
