So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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