Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
