on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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