sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
