I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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