Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Found your dick twin last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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