never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
