What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
