She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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