I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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