dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
