my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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