Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
