Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
