you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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