I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
