meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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