You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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