you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
