any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
