You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Randomize
