What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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