I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
