When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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