Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize