I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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