I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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