i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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