dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
operation harelip BJ is a go
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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