Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
