his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
