And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
